“Fix us a dvink,” says Renee Harmon, with her molasses-thick German accent, in the hilariously inept action movie Lady Street Fighter, given an astonishing Blu-ray restoration by AGFA.
She plays Linda Allen, cop and kick-boxer who has made a date with FBI agent Rick Pollitt (Jody McCrea) in order to ferret out information on who tortured and killed her twin sister.
Jody McCrea looks much like his famous actor dad (Joel McCrea) but bigger, burlier, and with a beard. Rick is secretly looking for something Linda’ sister was in possession of- a master list of assassins, so he cajoles the alluring, big-haired, Allen with this choice bit of dialogue:
“You look delicious. Think I’ll have you for lunch. Wonder if it should be a morner or a nooner?”
What’s a morner?”
“That’s a nooner only sooner.”
“Hmm..and what’s a nooner?’
“That’s a matinee in the middle of the day.”
Later on, he takes Linda for a romantic trip to the beach and proceeds to punch her right in the face looking for a combination to a safe she has hidden on her. That’s the kind of crackpot movie Lady Street Fighter is. And don’t get me started on Harmon’s mock fellatio to a piece of celery in the movie or inexplicably licking her phone.
Renee Harmon is a legend in exploitation movies of the 70s and 80s. She was a German war bride who came to the States and actually became an acting teacher. She wrote several books about the craft of acting including one entitled Film Directing: Killer Style & Cutting Edge Technique (Lone Eagle Publishing), which has chapters like The Collaborative Art, The Interpretation Of The Film’s Emotional And Visual Thrust, The Elements Of Sound And Light and The Director And The Actor. It’s actually an informative and cogent book. However, not one single smart technique from her books were ever used in any Renee Harmon move.
Harmon did get her students to invest in the making of a movie. They raised $20,000 and the size of one’s role matched the size of one’s donation. The movie was Frozen Scream (1975), a defiantly incoherent horror film where Renee plays Lil Stanhope, a doctor at a hospital who is secretly working with others on the secret of “immortality.” They kidnap and experiment on students, turning them into walking zombies.
Her scientific crew has morphed into a cult that sends out goons in hooded robes to murder anyone who can expose their secret. There’s a voice over by a cop to make sense out of what you’re watching and Harmon’s thick, marbles-in-the-mouth delivery makes it difficult to understand what she’s saying. “I’m fwightened, Sven,“ Harmon says to her doctor/lover/partner-in-crime.
Harmon is kind of amazing to watch in her films. She always has big hair, wears ludicrously sexy, see-through outfits, which show off her ample bosom. She looks like someone who might show up in a Russ Meyer movie, that’s if you sucked out all the humor, sex and sense out of it. But that thick accent of hers! Think Zsa Zsa Gabor’s “I hate that qveen” from Queen Of Outer Space, or any Maria Montez movie.
The Executioner, Part II (1984) stars Harmon as intrepid reporter Celia Amhurst, who teams up with police Lieutenant Roger O’Malley (Christopher Mitchum) to hunt for a masked killer targeting rapists and murderers.
The vigilante is an ex-soldier with PTSD who says “I came back- but it’s not home!” There was no Executioner, Part 1. The film was directed by James Bryan (who did the slasher film Don’t Go In The Woods) and he shot the movie on weekends to keep the equipment rental costs down. It’s a typical grindhouse Rambo-movie, but it’s so bad it’s a lot of fun.
Renee gets tied to a bed by the pimp/drug lord and there’s a great scene where she impales a bad guy to a couch with a samurai sword and then watches in disbelief as the man (still attached to the couch) comes after her. I also liked it when the vigilante shoves a live hand grenade under a villain’s facemask saying “I’m your judge. I’m your jury. I’m your executioner!”.
Hell Riders (1984) Tina Louise plays a blackjack dealer from Las Vegas driving through the desert who gets attacked by a bunch of bikers- the Hell Riders. The leader of the gang (with really bad teeth) is Snake (Ross Alexander) who tries to join forces with another biker gang. The leader of that gang says: “For fucks sake- you got a screw loose or something? Who do you think you are- Adolf Hitler, Rommel, Bela Lugosi- all rolled up in one shit-covered gob?”
Tina makes it to the town and is attended to by kindly Dr. Dave (Adam West). When she asks him what the town is like he replies: “Living in Ramsburg is like waiting for a patient to die.”
The bikers terrorize the local diner but Dr. Dave beats up Snake and forces them out of town. They return later, throw the Sheriff and Dr. Dave in jail and go on a murderous rampage. Finally, the townspeople pick up rifles and blow the bikers away. Renee Harmon wrote the script (along with director James Bryan), produced the film, and plays a mean biker chick wearing a shiny black outfit and cowboy hat. She breaks into a home and takes a switchblade to a wedding dress, slashing it to ribbons, saying: “I don’t like pwetty dwess!” Tina Louise and Adam West were paid $10,000 each and most of their scenes are close-ups so that stand-ins could run around in the rest of this ludicrous film.
Lady Street Fighter (1981) is the epitome of what makes a good Renee Harmon movie- Renee herself. You just have to love her perseverance. There’s a funny story during the making of the film that when they needed to do a scene where a car went off a cliff, Harmon went home and took her husband’s car (without permission) and they used it in the scene, launching it off a cliff. Afterwards she simply drove the wreck home. It just shows to what lengths she would go to finish a movie.
Liz Renay makes a guest appearance doing a strip number at a nightclub in Lady Street Fighter.
Also, Harmon goes to a wild party to mingle with the criminals for information which has belly dancers and guys in togas. After she lasciviously licks celery in front of a criminal he begs her to walk all over him with her big heels.
And her kick-ass fight scenes are a riot. The Blu-ray comes with entertaining commentary by director James Bryan about Harmon’s colorful career. It also comes with an entire bonus movie Revenge Of Lady Street Fighter (1990), an unreleased sequel.
Actress, writer, producer Renee Harmon died November 26, 2006 at age 84, but her gloriously trashy movies live on.
