There are times when I have to escape watching the news, which endlessly describes invisible terrors one is powerless to fight. That’s when I head to YouTube looking for more creature features that make me laugh. I adore crummy sci-fi movies with really dumb monsters. The sillier-looking, the better. So, I offer some doozies you can now find there. I can’t attest to their print quality, but who cares? They’re free. And also, there’s something cathartic to laughing at our monsters.
Attack Of The Beast Creatures (1985). This loony wonder was shot in Fairfield, Connecticut and it’s about a group shipwrecked on an island filled with little toothy creatures that attack them. The “beasts” reminded me so much of the doll that attacks Karen Black in Trilogy Of Terror, but funnier. Supposedly set in the roaring 20’s (so the actors could wear vintage clothes). The big attack on the group near a stream is required viewing it’s so hilarious. And when one of the castaways announces that there are “hundreds of them!” you barely can count 10. I just love this film.
The Horror Of Party Beach (1964) This classic beach-party movie filmed in Connecticut is about sea creatures caused by nuclear waste. The monsters look like Black Lagoon-wannabes but with rows of hot dogs sticking out of their mouths. The Del-Aires perform The Zombie Stomp while carefree teens become food for the monsters.
The Brainiac (1962) Sublimely silly Mexican horror movie about a Baron, burned at the stake in 1661, who returns to earth by comet 300 years later to exact revenge on all the descendants of those who put him to death. He transforms into a hilarious, hairy, big-headed monster with pointy ears and a forked tongue that sucks out your brains.
The Thing With Two Heads (1972) Jaw-dropping 1972 blaxploitation starring Ray Milland as a racist scientist dying of cancer. His head is grafted onto the body of a prisoner (Rosey Grier), wrongly convicted of a crime. “A White Bigot’s Head Onto A Soul Brother’s Body!” screamed the ads for this hilarious delight.
The Beach Girls And The Monsters (1965) Jon Hall, the hunk who starred alongside Maria Montez in many costume epics in the 1940s, ill-advisedly came out of retirement to make this black & white horror film about a goofy-looking monster killing surfers. Hall also starred as an oceanographer who’s furious with his son for spending too much time at the beach. Full of scenes with really mature-looking “teens” doing the twist to hideous songs by Frank Sinatra Jr. with scintilating lyrics like, “There’s a monster in the surf, yeah, yeah, yeah!”
The Killer Shrews (1959) I have the original poster framed in my living room for this film. It shows a hairy giant animal tail curled around a bloodstained stiletto high-heel. The actual film is about a bunch of people who get stranded on an island overrun by mutant shrews from a mad doctor’s experiment gone wrong. The shrews have frighteningly evolved into giants, although they are quite obviously packs of dogs with masks on.
Robot Monster (1953) A notorious 3D movie about an alien invader called Ro-Man (actually a man in a gorilla suit with a diving helmet on his head) sent to destroy earth. He lives in a cave (with what appears to be a bubble machine constantly on behind him( and makes his nightly reports to his planet. Phil Tucker, who allegedly attempted suicide after the movie’s dismal opening, directed this legendary stinker.
Teenagers From Outer Space (1959) “Thrill-crazed space kids on a ray gun rampage!” was the rallying cry for this wonderfully stupid 1959 grade-Z sci-fi film written, produced, directed, photographed and edited by Todd Graeff about a screw-shaped spacecraft that lands on earth. A sweet teen alien- Derek (David Love, the director’s boyfriend), who arrives in a small town, makes friends with a local girl (Dawn Anderson) and has to escape from an intergalactic bully Thor (Bryant Grant), who wields a disintegrator ray gun and controls a giant lobster named Gargon. The lobster creature looks suspiciously like a cardboard cutout.
Attack Of The Giant Leeches (1959) A bunch of giant leeches live in an underwater cave in the Florida Everglades where they drag their victims, keeping them alive for weeks while draining them of blood. The creatures look like sewn-together trash bags with fake suckers attached and that’s because that is exactly what they were. Yvette Vickers rules as the slutty cheating wife, and Ken Clark (who played Stewpot in South Pacific) fills out his pants nicely as the well-endowed game warden.
Invasion Of The Saucer Men (1957) This sci-fi drive-in favorite is about a bunch of horny teenagers driving around lover’s lane who witness the landing of a flying saucer and cannot convince the cops they are not playing a gag. The creatures are little men with giant veiny big heads, bug-eyes, and alien hands with retractable needles in the fingers that inject massive amounts of alcohol into their victims. Paul Blaisdell designed the fabulous creatures.
The Revenge Of Dr. X (1970) (aka Venus Flytrap) A hilariously oddball film about an incredibly grumpy rocket scientist/botanist (played by James Craig). He heads to Japan for a well-deserved rest (by way of North Carolina for some inexplicable reason), bringing with him a Venus flytrap he discovered near a snake farm (don’t ask). When he gets to Japan he fuses it with another underwater aquatic plant and creates a giant carnivorous monster who starts eating puppies and small children until it is chased up a live volcano by angry villagers wielding torches. Yes, it is that insane.
The Flesh Eaters (1964) This personal favorite is about a mad Nazi scientist (Martin Kosleck) breeding luminous flesh-eating organisms on a deserted island. A pilot (Byron Sanders), an alcoholic movie star (Rita Morley) and her harried secretary (Barbara Wilkin) crash their plane and become marooned on the island. The aquatic, iridescent, carnivorous organisms are kind of cool-looking and the gore in the movie was startling at the time.
The Brain From Planet Arous (1957) John Agar plays Steve, a nuclear scientist whose body is taken over by a giant alien floating brain (with eyes). The creature is named Gor and has escaped from another planet. “I need your body as a dwelling place while I am here on your earth,” it explains. Gor especially likes kissing Steve’s fiancé Sally (Joyce Meadows), who immediately knows something’s wrong. Agar’s eyes go black occasionally when Gor decides to blow up planes in the sky just for fun. A good alien, here on Earth to capture Gor, puts his essence inside the family dog in this camp classic.
Beginning Of The End (1957). One of the dumbest and most enjoyable of the mutant giant bug movies. This Bert I. Gordon film stars Peter Graves and Peggie Castle and is about giant grasshoppers threatening Chicago. Real live grasshoppers are seen ambling across photographs of buildings (and wandering into the sky).
The Giant Claw (1957) This laugh riot is about a giant bird from outer space that attacks New York. It stars Jeff Morrow (This Island Earth) who said in an interview with film historian Tom Weaver that he only got to see the finished monster (a Big Bird look-alike marionette) at the premiere at which point he sunk down in his seat, mortified.
Your movie recommendations have helped keep me sane (sort of) during this mess. Bless you!
Looks like fun! Love your descriptions of these movies, looking forward to seeing some! Philip
God how I love the cheap monster movies. Horror and unintentional comedy make good bedfellows. Corman had a few doozies as well; It Conquered the World deserves a Criterion treatment in my book. My journey with rubber suit monster entertainment began with Creature Double Feature on channel 56 in the Boston area. I’ve seen at least half of these, soon to close that gap. Thanks as always for the ill tip.