Don’t you weary of films and TV procedurals where women are walking down a darkened street only to be abducted by a psycho killer? You know that it’s going to go either two ways, and even a rescue is not entirely a happy ending. But why does it always have to be women? Why aren’t cute guys target for drooling sickos on screen? Like they are in Hollywood. Thinking that over, I was a bit surprised to discover that there are actually quite a few films with dudes in distress, manacled and miserable. Tie me up, tie me down, indeed.
I don’t know about you but, for me, there’s nothing like lying in bed at night plotting revenge. And for some of these films that’s what lies at the heart of the plot. In the British film- Revenge (1971), the rape and death of a young girl has fractured the family of a pub owner. But when the suspected killer is set free for lack of evidence, the family decide to exact their own justice by kidnapping, beating and tying up the suspect in the basement. Joan Collins plays the sexually frustrated wife, and pretty soon the family implodes, especially when they begin to suspect the man might be innocent.
In the South Korean shocker- Oldboy (2003), Drunken businessman Oh Dae-su (Choi Min-suk) is mysteriously kidnapped and imprisoned in a room for 15 years. He is just as mysteriously released. He befriends a pretty sushi chef and tries to find answers about his forced captivity, which leads him down a darker rabbit hole.
In this fiendish, scalpel-sharp, thriller Hard Candy (2005) directed by David Slade, 14-year-old Haley (Ellen Page), sets up a meet with Jeff (Patrick Wilson), a photographer, after some lengthy internet interplay, and he invites her back to his place. But suddenly the tables are turned as Haley begins to reveal she has a deadly agenda of her own. Ellen (Elliot) Page is inspired and incandescent on screen in this marvelously unnerving movie.
In the influential horror film by James Wan that spawned countless sequels (and an upcoming reboot), Saw (2003), two men wake up chained in an underground room courtesy of serial killer Jigsaw who kidnaps bad people and creates fiendish contraptions for them to get out of to prove themselves worthy of a second chance. I always felt bad for the writers of these films having to top themselves with more intricate, Rube Goldberg-like torture machines.
A sleazy, womanizing, reality-show producer fatally sleeps with a woman who turns out to be his stalker in Night Vision (2011). She kidnaps him at knifepoint, ties him up and humiliates him on camera for her own psychotic reality series. “I want you on my show,” she sardonically says.
In The 24th Day (2004), Tom (Scott Speedman) holds Dan (James Marsden) responsible for exposing him to HIV which Tom passed on to his wife with deadly results. He kidnaps, ties up Dan and extracts blood from him to see if he has the HIV strain that infected him. If it proves to be the case Tom intends to kill him. Nice first gay date film.
Takashi Miike’s harrowing Audition (1999) is about a middle-aged widower (Ryo Ishibashi) who is encouraged by his teenage son to find a new wife. With the help of a film producer friend they advertise for actresses for a nonexistent movie so he can check out the prospects. When he meets the shy beautiful Asami (Eihi Shiina) he is immediately smitten. But what’s with that twitching tied-up burlap sack in her apartment? What no one realizes is that Asami has experienced nightmarish abuse and is a bit touchy of men who trick her, no matter how seemingly innocuous. The last twenty minutes are so horrifying, hair-raising you won’t believe what you’re seeing. ”Kitty, kitty, kitty…..”
A memorably loony made-for-TV movie- Revenge! (1971) stars an unrestrained Shelley Winters as the grief-stricken mother of daughter who committed suicide. She captures and imprisons in a cage the man she holds responsible for her daughter’s unhappiness (Bradford Dillman). Does Shelley Winters give a subtle, nuanced, delicate performance? Hell no, thank God. Go Shelley, go!
And we also have the torture porn shockers where males are targets for fiends like Hostel (2005) about American male backpackers who are tricked into traveling to Slovakia for “hot chicks” only to find themselves victims of decadent rich killers in Eli Roth’s chilling tribute to Abu Ghraib. Or, The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011), Tom Six’s outlandish sequel about a creepy, overweight parking attendant obsessed with the movie The Human Centipede who abducts men (and women) to try to recreate an even bigger mouth-to-ass human daisy chain. The movie is so beyond the pale, sick, surreal and perverted it achieves transgressive art in a meta-maniacal way.
Extremities (1986) Farrah Fawcett received the best reviews of her career (and a Golden Globe nomination) in this filmed adaptation of an Off-Broadway play. She plays a rape victim who turns the tables on her attacker (James Russo), when he returns another night, and ties him up, imprisoning him in the fireplace, much to the consternation of her roommates. The film underscores the rage and frustration victims experience dealing with police and the judicial system.
3 in the Attic (1968) Shamefully unavailable on home video, handsome Christopher Jones plays a college womanizer who gets payback from the three women he is cheating on- Tobey (Yvette Mimieux); artist Euilice (Judy Pace) and hippie Jan (Maggie Thrett). The girls lock him up in the attic and take turns sexually getting it on with him, wearing him out until he goes on a hunger strike. Even in the #MeToo moment, this seems a tad extreme. But as a movie it’s weirdly satisfying and surprisingly ends on a romantic note!
Misery (1980). Kathy Bates deservedly won an Oscar for her ferocious performance as former nurse Annie Wilkes, who rescues a writer (James Caan) from a car crash and brings him to her snowbound remote cabin to heal. She is the writer’s biggest fan, but, when she reads his new novel where he kills his lead character off she goes mental. Bring out the sledgehammer…
The King of Comedy (1999) Martin Scorsese’s dark comedy about delusional comic Rupert Pupkin (Robert De Niro), whose frustration trying to book himself on popular talk show host Jerry Lansford’s (Jerry Lewis) TV program ends up having him cross paths with a crazed stalker (Sandra Bernhard) and together they kidnap Jerry. Rupert’s demand to the FBI for Jerry’s release is that he perform an opening stand-up monologue on Langford’s TV show. Well received by critics the movie sadly did terrible at the box office, but it still packs a punch.
The Intruder (1996) A bone-chilling Category III Hong Kong film concerning a taxi driver held bound and captive in his country home by a psychotic woman with a nefarious secret agenda. You don’t even want to know what she’s got in store for the poor soul! Woe to those who knock on his door- like a nagging granny or his young daughter (who gets buried alive).
The Day of the Beast (1995) is director Alex de la Iglesia’s gloriously deranged story of a priest (Alex Angulo), along with a long-haired death metal fanatic (Santiago Segura), who break into the flat of “Professor Cavan” (Armando De Razza), a beloved TV psychic and occult enthusiast. They tie him up and violently coax his help to conjure Satan in a black mass in order to find out where the anti-Christ is being born.
Chained (2012) Vincent D’Onofrio plays Bob, a serial killer/cab driver who picks up a young mother (Julia Ormond) and her young son. They have just come from seeing a horror movie, but the real horror is when Bob murders the mother and chains up the son (who he renames Rabbit) to be his slave- only to eat what’s left for him; never to turn on the TV; and clean up the bloody messes Bob leaves after killing women. Bob also hopes that “Rabbit” will be take up his murderous vocation. Eamon Farren is pretty extraordinary as the young serial killer apprentice in this disturbing film by Jennifer Lynch.
Buried (2010). This palm-sweat inducing, claustrophobic, thriller stars Ryan Reynolds as a truck-driving contractor in Iraq who gets captured by insurgents and awakes buried in a coffin with only a lighter and a cell phone. Director Rodrigo Cortes fleshes out the fear factor in a whole movie filmed in such a confined space: the cell phone battery gets low, sand starts seeping in, a snake slithers around. Ryan Reynolds gives a fine, feverish performance in this nightmare flick.
Smiley Face Killers (2020) Based on actual unsolved murders of a series of male college students who were found dead with a painted smiley face left at the scene of the crime. This film is directed by Tim Hunter (River’s Edge) and written by Bret Easton Ellis (Less than Zero) and is about soccer-playing, athletic college hunk- Jake (Ronen Rubenstein), unaware that a white van is constantly prowling along behind him, until he is chloroformed and wakes up tied up and naked inside the vehicle. There’s a creepy, homoerotic-horror feel to the film, and Rubenstein makes a likable, good-looking lead- which makes what happens to him all the more upsetting.
Singapore Sling (1990) Notorious, noirish 1990 Greek cult film directed by Nikos Nikolaidis, about a detective (Panos Thanassoulis) with a gunshot wound on the doorstep of remote chateau and taken in by a weird mother (Meredyth Herold) and daughter (Michele Valley). The women have just buried their chauffeur (alive) and delight in playing all sorts of S & M sex games with each other. They tie the detective to a bed, torture him with a portable ECT machine; have sex with him; even sloppily eat prawns in front of the bound, starving detective.
She Mob (1968) deliriously demented exploitation wonder about a ragtag girl gang headed by a ruthless lesbian named “Big Shim” who wears a black leather pointy bra and enjoys licking her lips watching her girls masturbating. She even hires a local stud named Tony to satisfy her girls who they kidnap and hold ransom from his wealthy sugar mama. A private detective is called in to rescue Tony- a Honey West-like detective wearing zippered, metallic, revealing outfits- ‘Sweetie East.” Poor Tony gets beat up, dressed in drag and strung up by the girl gang, but Sweetie East saves the day.
The Beguiled (1971) Clint Eastwood plays an injured Union soldier who is hidden and nursed back to health at a Confederate southern girl’s boarding school during the Civil War. His presence sexually stirs up turmoil in the house. It does not end well. Geraldine Page, as head mistress is just the best, as is Elizabeth Hartman (A Patch of Blue). But it’s Eastwood who gives a terrific performance. Directed by frequent Eastwood collaborator- Don Siegel, this was a bomb at the box office (no one wanted to see Dirty Harry as a victim), but it just gets better and better with age. A moody, southern gothic passion play.
That Cold Day in the Park (1969) Sandy Dennis plays Frances, a wealthy, lonely woman, walking in the rain in the park, who sees a shivering, handsome young man (Michael Burns) on a park bench. She tries to start a conversation and assumes he’s mute, takes him back to her apartment for a bath and to dry out his clothes. He ends up staying there, but he is not a mute and sneaks out the window nightly to visit his girlfriend. Frances nails up the window one day while he is bathing and imprisons him, even hiring a prostitute (Luana Anders) to pleasure him. A strange movie, based on a book by Richard Miles, and an early feature film by Robert Altman.
The Loved Ones (2009) Sean Byrne’s terrific Australian thriller is about a deranged father (John Brumpton), who brutally kidnaps a hapless young man (frighteningly cute Xavier Samuel) to be his psychotic daughter Lola’s (aka “Princess”) (Robin McLeavy) unwitting prom date. The abducted teen, dressed in a tux is nailed to the floor under a revolving disco ball in this outlandish, sardonic shocker.
All the Money in the World (2017) Ridley Scott directed this acerbic tale of the 1973 Rome kidnapping of John Paul Getty III, the grandson of oil magnate J. Paul Getty for 17 million dollars. This film is better known for the recasting of Kevin Spacey (because of sexual misconduct allegations) as J. Paul Getty and Christopher Plummer re-doing all his scenes and then winning an Oscar for his efforts. Now if only Spacey could figure out a way to erase himself from past bombs like Fred Claus, Pay it Forward, The Big Kahuna and K-PAX.
Calvaire (2004). Marc (Laurent Lucas) is a sad-sack singer whose gigs are nursing homes. Driving home, his car breaks down in a mountainous region and after getting hopelessly lost in the woods he is rescued and taken in by an innkeeper still fuming about his wife Gloria skipping out on him years ago. The innkeeper quickly becomes unhealthily obsessed with Marc. He ties him up, cuts off his hair slips one of Gloria’s sundresses on him. He refers to Marc as “Gloria” and berates him for leaving him. He even crucifies Marc out back before heading into town for a drink where he tells everyone his wife has returned. The crazed villagers lay siege to the inn to get at “Gloria.” This twisted French film by Fabrice du Welz operates on its own demented, crackpot logic.
Knock Knock (2015). Eli Roth’s gleefully perverse remake of the 1977 sleaze classic Death Game. Keanu Reeves plays Evan, an architect and happily married dad who, while alone one stormy weekend, gets a knock on the door and is greeted by two sexy strangers, Genesis (Lorena Izzo) and Bel (Ana de Armas) who claim to be looking for the address of a party. He stupidly invites them in with catastrophic consequences. The original shocker starred Sondra Locke and Colleen Camp. The twisted games the women play escalate in this effectively sick thriller.
Tom at the Farm (2013). A nerve-wracking slow-burn psychological thriller by Xavier Dolan, who plays the lead Tom, grieving over the death of his lover. He travels into the country to meet his boyfriend’s mother who had no idea her dead son was gay or had a lover, and the scary brother Francis (Pierre-Yves Cardinal). who threatens and abuses Tom (physically and emotionally) until he finds he cannot leave the farm. The film unfolds with claustrophobic unease. This is the one film where restraints aren’t used but it still amounts to psychic abduction.
Captured (1998) Robert (Andrew Divoff) is a car thief who is in for a big surprise when he tries to steal the expensive Porsche of businessman Holden Downs (Nick Mancuso). Robert finds himself captured, imprisoned in the car, and endlessly tortured. A real wet-dream for anyone ever car-jacked and made to feel powerless.
I Know My First Name is Steven (1989) This riveting TV mini-series is based on the true story of Steven Staynor, a seven-year-old boy who was abducted by pedophile Kenneth Parnell (Arliss Howard), who convinced Steven that his parents had abandoned him and whisked him away for years of abuse. Seven years later when Parnell abducts another child, Steven escapes with the boy in order to save him. Being re-united with his family was a difficult transition and Corin Nemec is heartbreaking as the older Steven in this devastating series.
The Fanatic (2019) John Travolta, in a hideous mullet and Hawaiian shirt, plays “Moose,” riding around on a moped in Hollywood and miraculously making a living impersonating a vintage British Bobby on the strip at night. He’s clearly mentally-challenged but in a bad-movie I Am Sam way. He’s also a major fanboy of movie star Hunter Dunbar (Devon Sawa), and he stalks the star to his home and eventually commits a home invasion that turns wildly violent. Hunter gets tied to his bed by the loon. It’s so jaw-dropping and terrible it’s almost amazing. Travolta is hard to watch, but he does get an unforgettable first line of dialogue- when he enters a memorabilia store and announces, “I can’t talk too long- I gotta poo..”
There have been quite a few movies based on the true story about the former Italian Prime Minister Aldo Moro, who was kidnapped in 1978 by the extremist group Red Brigade. The tragic outcome of this was re-enacted in movies like Good Morning, Night (2003), The Moro Affair (1986) and Year of the Gun (1991) but they all kind of run together in my head.
Anyone ever tyrannized by an asshole boss has got to love these two movies. 9 To 5 (1980) Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton play three working women who decide to take revenge on their sexist pig of a boss (Dabney Coleman). They kidnap and imprison him in order to find something at the office to blackmail him with. They also make sweeping changes in the workplace that are wildly successful. So was the movie. Swimming with Sharks (1994) stars Frank Whaley as Guy, an aspiring writer who goes to work for the most feared studio executive in Hollywood- Buddy Ackerman (Kevin Spacey). Buddy humiliates and tortures Guy at every turn. He even takes credit for Guy’s work. But one night Guy finally snaps. He bursts into Buddy’s house, ties him to a chair and screams, “it’s payback time!” Now, how much fun to imagine monster bosses like Harvey Weinstein and Scott Rudin tied to a chair and surrounded by all those who suffered abuse from them.
But, like I’ve always said, real life is never as satisfying as a movie.