I can’t believe I got up on a crummy, cloudy Friday morning and stood in line for tickets to the 9AM 3D screening of Avengers: Infinity War. What am I, ten years old? I was just too damn curious about this all-star Marvel gangbang and I didn’t want to read secondhand online spoilers. I have to admit, while it kind of resembled a cinematic overstuffed burrito, it did rocket along, and Josh Brolin as Thanos made a good villain- he had a kind of weary gravity to him. It was also nice to be back in Wakanda (home of the Black Panther). But it’s obviously a Part 1, and ends with a hell of a cliff-hanger. Not to mention the fact it will take a lot more comic book figures next time to do battle against the nefarious destroyer of the universe. So, here’s my picks of cartoon heroes I’d like to see join up to fight Thanos.
Mighty Mouse. He’s got a cape. He flies. He’s strong. Who knows, maybe Thanos is scared of mice.
Little Lotta. Maybe she could just sit on him.
Mr. Magoo. He could nearsightedly run into him, repeatedly, with his car.
Casper, The Friendly Ghost. Casper could (accidentally, of course) scare him to death.
Betty Boop. Perhaps Thanos would drop his guard when she rolled her big eyes at him.
Dennis The Menace. Just tell Dennis that Thanos is the reincarnation of Mr. Wilson and let him annoy the shit out of him.
Wendy, The Good Little Witch. Now she’s a big, bad, scary, badass on a broom ready to lay a wicked spell on him.
Popeye. Just make sure there’s a truckload of cans of spinach nearby, toss Olive Oyl at Thanos, and let Popeye rip.
Richie Rich. Maybe Richie could just pay Thanos a boatload of money to get lost from this universe.
Mary Worth. We need someone as sensible as her to match wits with him. And she’ll make a damn good victim.
Heckle And Jeckle. These two always got on my nerves- maybe they can get drive Thanos up the wall.
Rex Morgan M.D. Hell, a doctor might just be good to have around considering all the carnage.
Yogi Bear. If Yogi could just imagine Thanos’s head as a big, full, picnic basket, we’re all set.
Felix The Cat. There’s got to be something at the bottom of his stupid magic bag that could bring this creep down.
Fat Albert. Oh wait…Good Lord, I forgot. Sorry. Just forget I ever mentioned it….