What a month of crackpot Blu-ray treats! A deluxe box set of Reptilicus; the first feature-length 3-D movie; two deliriously deranged Hong Kong Category III films; a new action film from John Woo; a sensational vampire movie from the directors of Ready of Not; a remarkable 4K box set of Dario Argento’s nightmarish Opera; Ida Lupino and giant rats; Ray Milland and killer frogs; Joan Collins and mutant ants; Mummys and Werewolves in Las Vegas; and a Blu-ray collection of every Pee-Wee’s Playhouse episode. Today’s secret word is “sublime.”
Bwana Devil (Kino Lorber) “A Lion in Your Lap! A Lover in Your Arms!” promised the ads for the first feature-length color 3-D movie, directed by Arch Oboler (The Bubble). This Blu-ray offers that version if you are lucky enough to still have a 3-D TV. But it also offers the 3-D using the Anaglyphic Red and Cyan (and provides the cardboard glasses along with the Blu-ray). The film is loosely based on a true account of man-eating lions which attacked Indian workers toiling away on a British railway line through Kenya in 1898. The two men in charge are a boozy Bob Hayward (Robert Stack), married to the boss’s daughter (Barbara Britton), and Doctor Angus McLean (played by good old Dr. Watson- Nigel Bruce– from the Basil Rathbone Sherlock Holmes series). Before the movie, we are treated to a prologue with actor Lloyd Nolan explaining the “Natural Vision” 3-D process. He even sticks a slide rule in our face and introduces a twirling Miss USA, her arms outstretched into the audience. What I wasn’t prepared for is how brutal the film is- the lion attacks are savage and surprisingly upsetting.
A Chinese Torture Chamber Story 1 & 2 (Vinegar Syndrome) Two outrageous Hong Kong Category III films produced by Wong Jing, now beautifully restored on Blu-ray. A Chinese Torture Chamber Story (1994) is set during the Chin Dynasty. Little Cabbage (Yvonne Hung Yung), a concubine, and her former master, pharmacist Yang (Lawrence Ng), are on trial for murdering Little Cabbage’s husband with “aphrodisiac.” They are repeatedly tortured to confess to the crime by a judge who knows they are innocent (his own son and Yang’s wife are the killers). This one flabbergasted me. It has everything- sex, torture, comedy, kung-fu- even invisible rapist ghosts, exploding penises, and a ninja couple who fly through the air while having sex. According to the booklet, with an excellent overview by Grady Hendrix, “A Hollywood filmmaker wants to make a movie about a real-life 19th-century court case and you get Amistad starring Anthony Hopkins. A Hong Kong filmmaker wants to make a movie about a real-life 19th century court case and you get A Chinese Torture Chamber Story starring a wooden fuck donkey.” A Chinese Torture Chamber II (1998) is set during the Qing Dynasty about a rising politician- Ma (Mark Cheng), who becomes Governor of Liangjiang. Two former bandits look up to him only to have Ma betray them and let them be condemned to death. It’s up to the fiancé of one to seek revenge which earns her the torture of “death by 1,000 cuts.”
Reptilicus (Vinegar Syndrome) This enjoyably dumb 1961 Danish monster movie gets the deluxe treatment- a 3-disc set, which includes the rare original Danish version of the movie (which differs from the American International Pictures version released in the States) and a 4K remaster. Producer Sidney W. Pink (The Angry Red Planet) joined the giant monster craze by shooting for cheap in Denmark. An oil rigging crew unearths some weird prehistoric flesh, which is transported to a lab in Copenhagen and grows first into a giant tail and then a full Muppet-like dragon monster which flies over the countryside eating farmers and causing destruction. What you miss in the Danish version is the annoying, goofball janitor (Dirch Passar) outside with a bunch of children singing the “Tilicus” song, which will unhinge your jaw. “Razor claws! Toothy jaws! Wings a thousand feet across! Silly Man, scaredy puss: Who’s afraid of Tilicus?” To actually compare the differences between the two films is a lot of fun, and the newly scanned restorations of the films will blow your mind. Not to mention the killer extras. I never realized how much I needed a special-edition of Reptilicus in my life. Something is so not rotten in Denmark.
Silent Night (Lionsgate) The new film by the great John Woo (A Better Tomorrow) is ingeniously (practically) dialogue free. It stars an intense Joel Kinnaman as Brian, a father whose young son is gunned down in front of him by rival gang members passing his house at Christmas time. Brian is also shot in the neck by the crew and after a slow recovery (where he loses the use of his voice) he works through his grief by furiously exercising, re-formatting his car, stockpiling weapons and plotting how to get revenge on the entire gang. On his calendar, he has circled Christmas and written, “Kill Them All.” As expected, the action scenes are frightening and exhilarating. And messy too. Brian’s plans do not exactly go as planned sometimes. Thrilling and very suspenseful. Welcome back, Woo.
Abigail (Universal) Another winner from directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett (Ready or Not). This gory, wildly fun thriller is about a ragtag group of kidnappers, hired without knowing each other by a shadowy figure (Giancarlo Esposito) to kidnap a young girl for a multi-million-dollar ransom. What they find out later is that the girl’s father is a fearsome gangster. The little dancing girl Abigail (fantastic Alisha Weir) is also not what she says she is- she’s also a vampire and the crew find themselves locked in a creepy mansion with the scary bloodsucker. Great art direction and a terrific cast (Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Kevin Durand, William Catlett, Kathryn Newton and, tragically, the late Angus Cloud) all help make this outrageous dark comic nightmare work beautifully. Just a bloody blast.
The Savage Hunt of King Stakh (Deaf Crocodile) Mesmerizing 1980 Russian folk horror tale set at the end of the 1900s about an academic researcher who takes shelter on a rainy night at the mysterious Castle of Marsh Firs. He meets the beautiful, haunted mistress of the castle who warns, “we have more ghosts than live people.” The caretaker recounts the ancient legend of King Stakh, who was betrayed and killed by a family member who cursed that he would come back and take vengeance on the family throughout time. Indeed, the student can hear the thundering galloping in the distance. Based on a Belarusian novel, this evocative film directed by Valeri Rubinchik was recently restored from the original film elements and comes with excellent audio commentary and video essays and introductions by film historians. What I loved about the film was the clever way it is filmed, with objects and screens slightly obscuring your vision- you can never see anything all that clearly, which is the whole point of this creepy fable.
Food of the Gods (Kino Lorber) Bert I. Gordon‘s 1976 film (loosely) based on H. G. Wells, starring Marjoe Gortner confronting giant wasps, chickens and ravenous rats on a remote island. With Pamela Franklin, Ralph Meeker and Ida Lupino who says these immortal lines of dialogue: “I won’t never sin again, never! Only don’t let no rats eat us- please, God!” Another riotous moment is Marjoe Gortner confronting, and battling, humongous poultry, asking the reclusive farmer’s wife (Ida Lupino), “Where the hell did you get those goddamn chickens?” A wildly entertaining American International Films camp classic.
Frogs (Kino Lorber) Very few film make me laugh as much as this 1972 ecological horror film. First of all, the poster was perfection. It’s a picture of a giant frog with a human hand hanging out of its mouth. The plot is about a group of greedy relatives gathering at the island estate of a wealthy, tyrannical industrialist (Ray Milland), who has made his business polluting the planet. Gliding in by canoe comes a free-lance photographer doing a layout on pollution and played by a young, sexy Sam Elliott, fortunately often shirtless and wearing tight, incredibly revealing jeans. The guests begin to get attacked by snakes, spiders, clumsy lizards, alligators, birds, snapping turtles, crabs and other assorted reptiles. I constantly find myself re-watching Frogs just for the end where Ray Milland falls out of his wheelchair and gets hit with a bucket-full of frogs. What poor prop guy had to stand on the sidelines and throw live frogs at poor, old, Academy Award-winner Ray Milland? The tag line for the movie is so hilarious it makes life worth living: “Today the pond! Tomorrow the world!”
Squirm (Kino Lorber) Jeff Lieberman’s (Blue Sunshine) first film, shot in 25 days in Georgia, about a freak storm that causes power lines to snap and fall into the ground, raising up swarms of killer worms. It stars a young Don Scardino and Lieberman used a lot of locals as extras. And the thousands of worms used were Glycera. “They bite,” Lieberman said, “They do. When I was a kid we used to use them. They’re like blood worms. They’re saltwater worms and they have this thing that shoots out.” A well-deserved cult favorite by a true original. Lieberman remembers meeting a couple at New Jersey’s Chiller Theatre Convention who had memorized the entire movie. “I gave them a scene and they went back and forth, the whole scene in front of me.”
Hillbillys in a Haunted House (VCI) On their way to the Nashville Jamboree Country & Western singers (Ferlin Husky and Joi Lansing) and their manager (Don Bowman) decide to spend the night at the seemingly deserted and supposedly haunted Beauregard mansion. Little do they know that hidden in the basement are some fiendish international spies (Basil Rathbone, John Carradine and Linda Ho), out to steal a formula for rocket propellant. There’s also a hulking servant (Lon Chaney Jr.) and a gorilla (George Barrows). We also get to watch Merle Haggard, Molly Bee and other singers on TV. The fact that this hee-haw haunted house hokum is given a Blu-ray release wakes me up at 3 in the morning laughing. I still want it desperately, though. Now, if they only would release The Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow on Blu-ray…
Opera (Severin) A staggering 5-disc box set devoted to one of my favorites from Italian horror maestro Dario Argento. Opera is a chilling tale about a young singer (Cristina Marsillach) thrust into the main role of the opera Macbeth while a maniac slays those around her, even tying her up and taping pins under her eyes, forcing her to watch his kills. (Argento got this idea by being annoyed at people looking away or covering their eyes during scary scenes in movies). This 1987 film is one of Argento’s darker tales, but visually ravishing. Ian Charleson plays the brash horror film director taking on the opera, with radical ideas for the staging (including live birds). You have to admire a film where a raven solves the mystery. Supposedly this was a difficult film for the director, for a number of reasons, but the final result is brutal and brilliant. The box set comes with a new 4k UHD disc with different versions of the film- the director’s cut and the U.S. release. There are over 12 hours of special features and a soundtrack disc. The box design by Eric Lee is gorgeous, and there’s a booklet with an essay by Claire Donner.
The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals (Severin) Bonkers 1969 monster mash set in Las Vegas that only came out in an unwatchable VHS tape years ago, now given a glorious restoration by Severin. Anthony Eisley plays an archeologist who is inspecting a glass coffin housing the beautifully preserved 4,000-year-old Egyptian Princess Arkana (Maliza Pons). By locking himself in with the Princess during a full moon he transforms into a werewolf (don’t ask). There’s also a mummy that acts as protector of Princess Akana, who comes to life and shuffles around Las Vegas killing showgirls. Directed by Oliver Drake the film is laughably enjoyable (the wolf transformation alone is enough to spit out your drink). Author Stephen Thrower gives backstory to the “Vega International Story” about the little exploitation company that made this whacked-out treat. And there’s even a bonus feature Angelica, the Young Vixen (1969) a soft-core nudie film about a bodacious berry picker (Dixie Donovan) who is sentenced to a foster home but sleeps with the elderly judge and beds his daughter too. It’s from the same production company and you’ll recognize familiar faces from The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals.
The Woman (Arrow) In this brutal, harrowing 2011 Lucky McKee film, Sean Bridgers plays a well-respected lawyer, hunter and dad named Chris Cleek, who captures a feral, cannibalistic woman (Pollyanna McIntosh) out in the forest. He drags her home, chaining her in the root cellar for his sick amusement. His sadistic son (Zach Rand), a chip off the old block, enjoys tormenting Daddy’s new toy, while Chris’s abused wife (Angela Bettis) and daughter (Lauren Ashley Carter) suffer in silence. This also includes the 2009 film Offspring, based on the original Jack Ketchum novel and directed by Andrew van den Houten about a savage clan of cannibals living in caves who slip out to violently kill families and steal their babies for their own. (The Woman is the second film in this series). Incredibly shocking and really well done. These both are 4K UHD Blu-rays and come with a host of extras.
Pee-Wee’s Playhouse: The Complete Series (Shout! Factory) It still pains me that Paul Ruebens is no longer with us. His genius comic creation of exuberant man-child Pee-Wee Herman morphed into one of the most subversively brilliant kiddie shows. It ran from 1986 to 1990 every Saturday mornings on CBS. There Pee-Wee entertained in his playhouse along with “Chairy,” “Clocky,” “Jambi,” “Pterri,” Captain Carl (Phil Hartman), Miss Yvonne (Lynn Marie Stewart), Cowboy Curtis (Laurence Fishburne), Reba the Mail Lady (S. Epatha Merkerson), and very young Natasha Lyonne as one of the “Playhouse kids.” Wildly entertaining and bizarrely funny, there never was anything like this. God, do I miss the “secret word,” “The King of Cartoons,” and the dinosaur family. So very happy to see a Blu-ray release of the entire series.
Empire of the Ants (Kino Lorber) Oh come on- it’s Joan Collins and giant ants. What more could you possibly want in a film? Another inadvertent, hilarious, howler from director Bert I. Gordon. Collins plays a shady land developer, who, while on an expedition with potential clients stumbles on giant ants. As the group fights to stay alive they discover a nearby town controlled by the Queen ant (thanks a lot, pheromones) who are letting the mutated monsters feed at the local sugar factory. Let’s just say- you don’t want these ants in your pants.
