I’m pretty ambivalent about “outing” actors in print. I guess I feel that a person’s sexual preference is their own damn business. But I have a friend who violently disagreed: “These aren’t people we’re talking about- they’re actors! These are people who dress up like fireman, superheroes and ballerinas for a living. These are people who make astronomical salaries for crying on cue. And it’s our hard-earned bucks that are plunked down to see their crummy movies- they owe us. If they wanted a private life, they should have stayed waiters. Once they’ve cashed their ludicrously inflated checks, they’ve got to realize they’re public property, and we have the right- no, the civic duty to find out if they’re wearing a butt plug in private.”
The same holds true for the famous animal celebrities that have graced the silver screen and livened up bleak television seasons with their particular brand of four-legged antics. Their trainers and managers make feeble jokes about their clients working for “peanuts,” but we know different. They make a fortune and lead wild colorful lives that have up until now been kept secret from the public. But I intend to blow the lid, or should I say “door off the cage,” of this conspiracy of silence.
There have always been animals in the movies. From the early silent films flickering across a makeshift screen to now, horses, dogs and birds have been indelibly captured frolicking in front of the camera. And before there were agencies protecting animal rights, believe me, it was a tough grind. There was no such thing as equity hours. These animals were worked around the clock. And God forbid if you were a horse and landed a plum role in a big western. Trip wires and cliffs awaited the end of your work day. This was stressful stuff and a great many animals would unwind in spectacular fashion. Alcohol and chemical dependency were rampant, and bizarre sexual hijinx was not uncommon after many a “wrap.” Managers and agents spent a lot of time keeping the more unsavory aspects of their client’s peccadillos from the public.
The 1926 silent version of Ben Hur with Ramon Novarro included the famous chariot race that was a spectacularly difficult and dangerous shoot. After its completion, a wild party between the surviving horses in a hotel room in the Hollywood Hills ended in destruction and scandal. A pony, best known for comely two-reelers was found bound and gagged and dressed in redundant leather amidst the wreckage of the suite, and a great deal of money changed hands to keep it out of the papers.
As the history of film progressed, certain animals emerged from the background to become stars in their own rights. Rin-Tin-Tin practically singlehandedly saved a studio from extinction with his charming and heroic little films. Beloved by children and adults, he was the ultimate “man’s best friend.” And, also, a homosexual. “Oh, Rin-Tin-Tin was well known on the gay circuit,” a former wardrobe mistress from that era confided to me. “You just turned your head,” she explained to me. “It just wasn’t discussed.”
Neither was the clandestine living arrangement of the equine star of Black Beauty and his lovemate Flicka of My Friend Flicka. They shared more than a stall together in Marin County for many years after their film triumphs. Hollywood insiders say their love affair continued right up to their whispered-about double suicide in 1950.
Cheetah, the chimpanzee megastar of the Tarzan films was supposedly very up-front and almost militant about his homosexuality. He was said to be very active politically and attended meetings of E.A.T.A. (Ethical Animal Treatment for other Animals).
Flipper, the famous dolphin and television star, started first on the big screen, and her sexuality has been a well-kept secret, but there were rumors she was a sympathetic sister of Sappho. Elsa, the lioness star of Born Free, was also known to drink frequently from the “Well of Loneliness.”
Lassie has been portrayed by many different dogs, most of them male, which apparently caused several of them severe identity crises. One of the later collies to be crowned “Lassie” on the popular television series was supposedly heavy into crossdressing and was forever being caught in TV mother June Lockhart’s trailer surreptitiously slipping into her undergarments.
Other closeted homosexuals- Asta, the perky costar of The Thin Man detective series of the 1930s was a witty, vivacious lover of “cocktails,” in the many varying definitions of the word.
Namu, the aquatic star of Namu the Killer Whale, was notorious for his antagonistic attitude with the press. He was also notorious in the S & M netherworld of Hollywood’s more bohemian quarters.
Ben, the rat superstar of the cult classic Willard and its sequel Ben, was said to have “swung both ways” when it came to sex.
Clarence, the Cross-Eyed Lion apparently saw straight when it came to members of his own sex.
And the late, well-loved Benji was not a stranger to the “love that dare not speak its name.”
The furry television bear Gentle Ben tried to disguise his hirsute homosexuality with a gruff exterior, but his moniker lies closest to the truth.
By all accounts, Francis, the famous talking mule of the series of Universal comedies, was quite nelly off-camera.
There have been other hushed-up stories about the wild goings-on at the Patsy awards (they were the animal equivalent of the Oscars). Supposedly Mr. Ed, one of the most notoriously well-hung of Hollywood homosexuals, got dead drunk and tried to bugger Arnold the Pig of Green Acres fame. A pretty penny was paid to keep that story squelched.
It’s time to shake off those shackles of secrecy. Out Loud and Proud! It’s time to swing those kennel doors wide open and raise a paw or a hoof against the hypocrisy that only serves to encourage prejudice. It’s time to whinny and bark and moo for your rights. Silence=Distemper.
And to be perfectly honest, what does the sexual preference of these animals have to do with anything anyway? What does it have to do with all the laughter, joy and tears they have brought us over the years and will continue to do for generations to come. When Mr. Ed is making some witty, laconic crack to Wilbur on the celebrated and still-watched TV series, are you imagining him in some tight-fitting outfit doing poppers in some gay disco? Or, when Flipper is nudging an unconscious swimmer through the water to safety, do you really have to know that she is familiar with the writings of Gertrude Stein and Willa Cather? And, when Lassie is dragging little Timmy out of that burning building and that lump is in your throat and a tear is forming at the corner of your eye, do you really have to know that he spends his off hours sniffing butt on Santa Monica Boulevard? Well, do you?
(Yeah, I know…So do I.)
I was had a feeling that Lassie was a little light in his loafers.